My situation

This is my situation. Maybe you can relate.

I'm basically awake. Have been for a long time. 

When you're truly awake other humans in real life are not very interesting. They're either in deep patterns of family/work, family/work, family/work. That's the work of the world. Going with the current of the Ray of Creation. 

Or they are literally disordered of mind. 

Those in between are usually shallow. Addicted to the cheap distractions of life. 

So here I am.

Now, in my particular life I've been conditioned to seek and engage higher influences. Though once I truly connected with the Bible and Work sources that seeking seems to top out.

You can go back and fill in this, and refine that, but it's all mostly covered ground at that point.

So what do you have left? You can directly spearhead into Work practice and the experiential level of the faith. 

But then what happens? We all know that you run into human limitations. Laziness being a big one. But you also run into direct confrontation with the world, which is OK, but it is a real sort of attrition. It's a gift, if we use it, but the human, all to human in us wants peace. Calm. 

And things can also get Satanic, which seems to have a telos, or unique end goal that has to be navigated. The world pesters us, but the devil tries to destroy us. 

As for the fight we get with our fallen nature/false personality, we can deal with that somewhat easier. It's at least inside us and not an intruding into our privacy. 

But we pull back. Rest. Look at our library. Default to the us that we use to be. 

If we can, we might long for a more animal type activity. Social, present tense, fun. I'm pretty inured against that. (Not positive what inured means, but I'll go with it.) In that social market I'd have to settle quite a bit, yet mostly I don't have that inclination or interest. So it's not a threat to me. 

So I start a new day staring at books I'm not reading in anything other than a desultory manner. It's my old life. 

So..... I know Work practice takes me into subtle territory. I know development of being has effect in this world and the spiritual world. I also know I don't want to slip back and be glass-eyed on my death bed. 

Change of scenery helps (but I didn't even mention how old new scenery gets for people who are basically awake. It's something, but not a cure all.) Mechanical impressions can be deadly, but they can be made conscious wherever you are. Seeking new sights can be mindless, we all know. 

I can manage things if I take the step to spearhead into the breach. 

That's all...

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When you set down in words where you are it can be a sort of reset. So here is where I am. So now I can clearly move from this articulated point.