The new stage I'm in, the new driving goal: being a Christian

I had a realization this evening (walking under a clear, post-rain, starry sky). I've talked about how I've been floundering with no driving goal, and how I've always had one (looking back I can see this); developing centers and climbing the mountain of B Influence being one, then connecting with the Work and learning it and doing it being the other big stage and driving goal. But what now? I've been wondering.

Then it came to me: now my driving goal is to be a disciple of Christ. To pursue that in a way beyond what I've been doing these last years.

I have a trait where I do the opposite of what is expected so as to avoid being seen as something commonly off-the-mark. For instance, I'll use four-letter words just to go against the moralism you see among other Christians. This trait has also led me into a little bit of being ashamed of the faith (of Jesus, of religion, of the Christian faith in general). A strong word, but I'll use it. I mean it this way: I know religion looks bad. Christians are shallow, but worse than that Muslims make all religions and religious practice look bad. (Of course I know that that is what the devil wants. He wants his followers to mimic followers of the living God, but do it in a way that makes followers of the living God look bad.) The devil impersonates an angel of light. All kinds of counterfeit going on in Satan's kingdom.

Yet knowing the above I still allow this "not wanting to be seen as one of them" effect me and my approach too much.

I know that the religion revealed in the Old and New Testaments is the truth. I know all other religions and ways are either counterfeits of it or are partial representations of it mixed with worldly idolatries of every kind. I can discern the truth. So with this I need to act on it and not worry about looking like the people who make it all look bad. I need to, in other words, for instance, clean up my tongue without worrying that if I don't use foul language I may come across as the Village of Morality types; and, on the other side of it, I need to pray and fast and read the Holy Book without worrying that I will come across like the 'pious' Muslims who do the same just before doing the devil's work in manifesting the deeds of the devil's death cult.

My new stage now is not to become a Christian (I am that), but to be a Christian (and even the sound of that goes against the grain, i.e. it sounds boring, or, I can hear a worldly chorus groaning as I write it). That is my goal now. My driving goal. A disciple of the faith of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. A disciple of Jesus Christ. Be it.

The Work is part of it, just as my development prior to connecting with the Work is part of it. But it transcends the Work now. The Work must be brought within the discipline that is focused on Christ solely. It's not that big a change, in terms of practice, but it is in terms of goal. It also is, actually, in terms of the 'why' of doing it. I practice the Work to glorify God. Whereas before that was never a part of it. Not that I had solely worldly or flesh-oriented motivations (i.e. I was never doing the Work so as to become rich or powerful in some ridiculous way or whatever, but the motivation was really solely to increase level of being, i.e. increase things like inner control and understanding, but that was never associated with the God-centered motive to glorify God; it was more a man-centered motive to just develop).

I have to want to develop so as to glorify God. That doesn't mean I have no time to myself or am no longer an individual, it means I develop into - recover - the image of God that is my inherent image. I glorify God when I develop real understanding, and unbury and have use of conscience, and I can act from Real Will. The Work in practice isn't different, but the motivation, and recognition of 'why' is different.

Moralism is still a deadly trap. God doesn't want me to be a moralist. The saying is still true: it's not about being good, it's about making contact. It's just that the contact being made is contact with God the Son via the Holy Spirit, and ultimately with God the Father through the Son. Not merely contact with a generic influence or power or force, but with my Prophet, High Priest, and King Himself, Jesus Christ, who is God Himself, in the mystery of the Godhead. And with His Kingdom.

So that is my driving goal now. I've been in it for a few years now without seeing it like this; but I've been in the knowledge part mostly. I've avoided the discipline part for various reasons (I had to get understanding of the mainstream church level and all that before I could feel comfortable doing the faith without thinking I was being formalist about it; now I understand the church level, as I call it, and that frees me to do it too, like them, if at the order level, without getting caught in the traps or stumbling on the stumblingblocks so many fall prey to. Understanding is power, and I have understanding of it all now.

So now I've awakened to the stage I'm in now (it's obviously a rather final stage...anyway I can't see what could possibly be beyond it, but...who knows)...

Now I am to be a Christian. A disciple of Christ. See if you can see a difference in my writing and interaction with others on the internet (if indeed I still do much of that, because if it is vain - empty - then I'll not have desire to do it; and I refer to my interaction with the people who would always ban me and all that). Now I am to be a Christian in the same way I pursued climbing the mountain of B Influence and in the same way I pursued learning and doing the Work...that is my driving goal now.